M's Best Picture: The Brutalist
Did I derive any enjoyment at all from this movie? No. Would I recommend this movie to others? God no. Was this movie too long? Yes. Was I looking forward to the intermission, only to find out that the music during the intermission was worse than the movie itself? Yes. Was this movie a slog of misery that resulted in an ending that made little sense to me and offered no resolution or even what-happened-to-them for two of the main characters? Yes. Is this movie going to win best picture? YES.
I can see how based on my prior comments you might think I'm implying The Brutalist is a bad movie. It's not. It's very well done. But don't watch it, no one needs this in their life. To be fair, I had never heard of Brutalism as a form of art before I saw this movie, and there is an underlying theme of expression through art versus pursuit of wealth that largely flew over my head but I was very distracted when I watched this, but, this seems like this year's Oppenheimer. It's a done deal. This is what the Academy wants. We don't even have to have an Oscars this year.
M's Best Director: Coralie Fargeat
This is a bold choice. But, The Substance is a bold movie. S is betting on Anora in this category, so it's likely we will both lose, but sugar I'm going down swinging.
M's Best Actress: Demi Moore
And we come to Best Actress, which seems to be a race between two beautiful women who are naked for the majority of their respective films. And I'm a thousand percent backing Demi.
I could not be happier than when I won the coin toss for Best Actress and Best Supporting Actor and got to pick the people I really did want to win. Demi Moore delivers the best leading actress performance I've seen since Black Swan and I feel like this award is hers to lose.
M's Best Actor: Ralph Fiennes
Somebody please give this guy an Oscar.
I mean, they probably won't, it probably will go to Adrien Brody, but I lost the coin toss on this one and I picked my man Ralph. He's an incredible actor, as he's proven in movies like The English Patient and Schindler's List. These are movies I probably shouldn't have seen at such a young age but I'm glad I did. And, I mean, he's frickin Voldemort. And he creates human s'mores in The Menu. He. Is. Awesome and I love him, and he should get an Oscar. For Conclave, or for the next thing he's sure to be awesome in.
M's Best Supporting Actor: Kieran Culkin
Somebody please give this guy an Oscar.
The movie A Real Pain was maybe unfortunately named but also brilliantly named. It's not a buddy comedy, despite what advertising led you to believe. I'd describe it as the plot of Everything Is Illuminated with the characters from Scenic Route, except no one who isn't me has seen those movies.
This is the story of two mismatched cousins who journey back to their grandmother's home country, where she managed to overcome incredible obstacles and survive a concentration camp. Kieran is the loose cannon, but he's also the one who wants to gain the most out of this experience. He feels detached from his ancestors, and he feels that the guided tour they go on is too sanitized and that he wanted an experience that would make him feel closer to his grandmother, rather than the self-loathing, entitled existence he currently lives in. He wants to feel a real pain.
It's a complicated role, between the self-loathing, the constant desire for and simultaneous fear of human connection, and the lack of any true identity. You don't leave this movie feeling like the character is going to be okay, but that's what the actor was going for, and he absolutely nails it.
M's Best Supporting Actress: Felicity Jones
Well, I lost the coin toss on this one, so I couldn't bet on Zoe Saldana like I didn't want to. She's going to win, but, hey, just in case she doesn't, here's Felicity Jones, who did a perfectly cromulent performance in The Brutalist.
I mean, I like Zoe Saldana. I like Selena Gomez. They were too good for Emilia Perez. But, Zoe's performance in that movie is not good. She's going to win Best Supporting Actress, but yikes. Why?
I guess ... because she was a main character that got shoehorned into the Supporting category and that equals profit. But, geez. When she starts singing a song, it's worse editing than From Justin to Kelly. She seems as confused as anyone watching the movie that she's suddenly in a musical number.
But, we're not here to talk about Zoe, who maybe should win an Oscar someday but not for this but she will, we're here to talk about Felicity. Who is in an Oscar bait role in an Oscar bait movie. She's probably not going to get it due to the rumors of using AI to give her a Hungarian accent, or due to the fact that she's only in the second half of the movie, but, hell, what other supporting actresses do we have here. We have Zoe and Ariana, who are questionable in the "supporting" category, Isabella who doesn't really do a whole lot in Conclave, and I confess I have not seen A Complete Unknown. And the scenes where Felicity sticks up for her husband are actually pretty affecting, so, go Felicity go.
M's Best Original Screenplay: September 5
Have I seen September 5? No. Do I know what it is about? No. I know that September 5 is the birthday of a guy I liked in high school, and 5 was his favorite number, and my birthday is May 5 so that's two fives and if he doesn't realize the true fiviest love of his fiving life is right in front of him he's blind, wait, what was I talking about? Oh yeah. This movie I didn't see. Well, we thought about seeing it, but it's not playing anywhere around here and would have required going to some far out suburb, so I assume that means it plays only for exclusive audiences and therefore is very good and will win an Oscar.
M's Best Adapted Screenplay: Nickel Boys
S is voting for Conclave for this one. And Conclave is a great movie. I am voting for a movie that I have not seen, and I don't know what it is about. But this is the dark horse that will overtake the Oscars. It's not Anora. Anora had its time and it's done. This is going to win. It just is. Trust me.
M's Best Original Song: The Journey
ALL OF THE ORIGINAL SONG NOMINEES WERE VERY BAD
That said, sure, whatever, "The Journey." It's the only song I can imagine anyone listening to and being like, "I want to listen to this again." It's kind of a vapid song, but the vocals were pretty impressive. All of the other songs were like someone vomited on a piano or guitar and forgot to clean it up.
They stopped doing Best Song performances at the Oscars effective this year. They said that it's because they want to give more attention to the songwriters rather than focusing on performers, but I think it's really because no one in their right mind would want "El Mal" to be on TV and so they had to entirely overhaul Oscars protocol.
And this brings up an overarching question: should the Best Song go to the song that contributes the most to the movie, or to the song that is objectively the best song as a standalone, requiring no context? If the former were true, "We Don't Talk About Bruno" would have been nominated and Lin Manuel would have an EGOT. But it seems like the Academy favors standalone songs. Hence, "What Was I Made For" triumphing over "I'm Just Ken" last year.
Anyway, I would appreciate it if the judges would pick a lane, but I'm betting on "The Journey."
M's Best Animated Feature: Wild Robot
I am all in on Wild Robot. Have I seen the movie? No. Do I know anything about the movie other than a clip where the presumably titular robot says "I am a wild robot." Also, no. But, this is going to WIN BEST ANIMATED FEATURE.
So, Flow might win. But it's full of animals in peril, and I don't like movies like that, and then there's this movie with wild robot whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat. Flow has heart, but Wild Robot has a wild robot. Inside Out 2 (which I also haven't seen) probably has heart, but Wild Robot has a wild robot.
Anyway. Wild Robot 4eva
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