Every Book I've Listened to on Audible Ranked by Enjoyability

1. The Hike by Drew Magary.
   This is the only one I plan on listening to again. I can see how it wouldn't be for everyone, but I loved this strange fantasy that had multiple layers of reality and completely ripped me away from my own world.
2. Behind Closed Doors by B. A. Paris.
   I couldn't stop listening to this book. It was unputdownable, or takeearplugsoutofearsable if you will. This is probably what got me started on my British-women-in-peril kick.
3. The Breakdown by B. A. Paris.
   I couldn't stop listening to this one either. This author knows how to put a British woman in some peril like how she ever gonna get out of this peril. Bonus points for the audiobook: author interview at the end where they ask her about Behind Closed Doors.
4. The Gates: An Apocalyptic Horror Novel by Iain Rob Wright.
   Everyone who's not me, or possibly my sister, should ignore this review. This book is terrible and it's so awesome. I don't know which was the most awesome. All the multiple times the text "and then, all hell broke loose" appeared in the book. The badly written dialogue where British children realize America is A-OK. The voice the narrator uses for the demons (and there are lots of demons). The way it didn't even end, paving way for the sequel probably only I am hoping for. If the thought of a whole bunch of demons wreaking havoc on earth makes you giggle, you'll love this book, but if your favorite movie as a child wasn't "The Gate" then it might not be for you. Come to think of it, the title may be swaying my opinion as well.
5. Final Girls by Riley Sagar.
   American women can be in peril too. The idea of being a "final girl" (the only survivor of a massacre) making you a member of an exclusive club as far as the media is concerned is bizarre but probably sadly plausible. It's a dark, interesting read that's hard to forget.
6. The Sleeper by Emily Barr.
   British women are in peril again. This is a thriller that succeeds in making you cheer for and worry about the protagonists, and a satisfying read.
7. My Husband's Wife by Jane Corry.
   A love triangle - love quadrilateral - unlike any you've read about before and won't soon forget. The several-year span of the plot and the many changes in the relationships between the four central characters made this a satisfying read.
8. I See You by Claire Mackintosh.
   British women are in so much peril, you cannot stop British women from being in peril. A book that does a good job of lining up a handful of suspects that might be the bad guy (or girl). I didn't want to stop listening toward the end, to see if my hunch was correct.
9. The Girl Who Was Taken by Charlie Donlea.
   I might be rating this higher than I should since I just finished it today so it's very fresh in my mind. I'm having a hard time coming up with anything I could say without giving spoilers, so I'll just say it's a decent mystery/thriller except also if you don't like detailed scenes describing autopsies maybe you shouldn't read it but there's no animal violence so it outranks Behind Her Eyes.
10. Behind Her Eyes by Sarah Pinborough.
    British women are in peril but this book has a truly unique premise and an ending that I truly did not see coming that I don't think I'll forget. Also some animal violence I wish I could forget. There's no doesthedogdie for books, so I'm taking it upon myself to warn you all.
11. The Last Mrs. Parrish by Liv Constantine.
    A tour de force of oh-no-she-didn't oh-yes-she-did cattiness that I really had a hard time stopping listening to (I finished it in two days) because as unlikable as the main character is, I really wanted to see what would happen to her next. Warning: might make you hate men a little bit, but there's worse to come.
12. Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn.
    The characters in this book are dark, twisted, surprising, messed up, and completely unforgettable. Like Flynn's most famous novel, Gone Girl, this one won't give you the warm fuzzies, but like Gone Girl, I'd say it's worth a read.
13. Fool Me Once by Harlan Coben.
    A solid, compelling mystery that loses points for being kind of grim. It's no British women in peril but I'd read Harlan Coben again (and have purchased one of his books I haven't downloaded yet).
14. Best Day Ever by Kaira Rouda.
    This one gains enjoyment points for how over the top it was. This is pure, white-hot anti-male propaganda. If you ever find yourself thinking, my life is missing something, maybe it's burning revulsion toward everything with a Y chromosome, this is the book for you.
    ...it's fiction, right? right kaira?
15. The Secrets She Keeps by Michael Robotham.
    Like the title says, there are secrets, and I don't want to give too much away. I did enjoy reading a book with two narrators, one of whom, as you find out further as you read on, is actually pretty unreliable. It made me want to try out writing something with an unreliable narrator myself.
16. Into the Water by Paula Hawkins.
    British women are in peril, the aquatic version. The characters are weird. There are a lot of characters, making it hard to follow at first, especially if you're listening to the audiobook and can't flip back a few pages. The plot is implausible. They say "into the water" way too many times. But, if you do listen to the audiobook version, major props to the girl who narrated this. She really throws herself into each of the narrators, including a scene with a total breakdown.
17. The Couple Next Door by Shari Lapena.
    This book was... fine. It was fine. Domestic psychological thriller with an ending you didn't see coming, or maybe you did.
18. Silent Child by Sarah Denzil.
    British women are once again in peril, and their silent children are too. While I could kind of see most of the plot twists coming, the ending was still pretty suspenseful and while I was listening to it a dog jumped out at me at the same time the bad guy jumped out and I jumped probably about 4 feet.
19. The Circle by Dave Eggers.
    Interesting but, what is The Circle even. How much are you going to beat us over the head with the central message of the book. Also, how did this get made into a movie? I haven't seen the movie, but the only thing they'd have to change about The Circle to make it into a movie is... pretty much everything.
    I still might see it so I can see evil Patton Oswalt.
20. The Girl Before by JP Delaney.
    British women in peril. Definitely held my interest but loses points for ultimately not-that-relatable characters, animal violence, and a scene that will make you want to never eat seafood. Unless you do want to stop eating seafood. Then maybe read this book. I have since blocked that scene out of my mind so I can eat seafood again.
21. Dark Matter by Blake Crouch.
    This one... was fine. It was fine. I was amused how the author was seemingly in love with/obsessed with Chicago, with Logan Square specifically, yet managed to sneak in some jabs against the Cubs. Oh yeah, and there was a multiverse and stuff. But there weren't enough parallel universes to make me care a whole lot about the one-dimensional characters. g0 SoX?
22. The Elementals by Michael McDowell.
    This is supposed to be a classic horror novel. I kind of felt like it was the literary equivalent of taking a long nap and then feeling like you should have done something with your day so after taking the long nap you try to throw an epic party but no one shows up to your party so it ends up being you pouring dollar store confetti all over yourself and wondering where you went wrong with your life. I think I actually did that once. So this book is kind of like me with a southern Gothic flair.
23. 1Q84 by Haruki Murakami.
    I had loved what other couple of books I'd previously read by Murakami. This one, though. Seemed to repeat itself over and over and over again. After 13 hours felt like 3 hours of book put into some kind of book stretching machine, I didn't think I wanted to listen to the remaining 13 hours, so I dropped it at the halfway point.
24. Black Chalk by Christopher Yates.
    Like I said in my celebrated Facebook review, this book is one part a ripoff of "The Secret History" by Donna Tartt and one part creating six people on The Sims, giving them only negative personality traits, and locking them in a house until they start screwing or killing each other. Coulda used more indoor rockets or pools where you delete the ladder.
25. Time's Arrow: Or the Nature of the Offense by Martin Amis.
    Hella interesting premise. Very interesting, detached, almost poetic treatment of appalling subject matter. Yeah, I can appreciate that, but I listened to this one over the summer AND GOOD GOD THIS IS NOT THE BEACH READ YOU WANT. Maybe this is the book that got me started binging on the jolly page-turners you'll find higher up on my list.
26. The Girl with All the Gifts by M. R. Carey.
    Like 1Q84, I reached the halfway point of this book and realized I had no interest in going further. It's bleak, the characters are uninteresting, I never knew zombies could be so boring. I'd be ok if Negan had shown up in the middle of this book to wreak some havoc, which maybe he did, I didn't finish it.

Books I felt like I couldn't rank among the rest so I'm listing them separately:

• Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi. I really liked this book, but didn't feel right classifying a book so much more grounded in reality with the rest of the thriller/sci fi/horror on the rest of my list. This was actually a pretty acclaimed book, and I don't know that I'd have anything to add to the reviews you'll be able to pull up for it instantly online.
• The Devil in the White City by Erik Larson. I can't rank it among the rest because it's literary nonfiction. I already knew the serial killer portion of the story because with unfortunate timing I listened to that episode of the podcast "Lore" right before reading this book. I think my main sentiments while listening to this one were marveling at how different things were relatively not too long ago, and wondering how different things really are. Like Homegoing, I can't say anything about this book that hasn't already been said better, and can't even give it the hometown shoutout award for being the most Chicagoy (see Dark Matter).