Tuesday, May 23, 2023

FIVE ALBUMS THAT MAKE LIFE OK

 Music is perhaps the most divisive pop culture topic. With books, movies, TV, there are a few examples that you would call masterpieces, there are the blockbusters and the classics that appeal to everyone. With music, you pretty much stick to your genre, and everyone has their genre. I have mine, but I try to keep an open mind listening to other stuff. I've seen several performances on Saturday Night Live by bands or artists outside of my genre that were impressive, and left me feeling, "Well, they're still not for me, but ... I get it." I'm not going to make anyone listen to my favorite songs, with the exception of my longsuffering boyfriend, whon I've done that to a lot lately. But here, merely for your consideration, are five albums that have made my life better by being in it.

5. BLEED AMERICAN - JIMMY EAT WORLD

I'm on my feet, I'm on the floor, I'm good to go

All I need is just to hear a song I know

I wanna always feel like part of this was mine

I wanna fall in love tonight

Anyone who knows them only for "The Middle" probably would not guess Jimmy Eat World identifies as an emo band. I wouldn't even really classify this as an emo album. It's an album with a fierce, powerful, but optimistic energy, songs about someone who might be struggling but is determined to own this life and make it work. Even the songs that have lyrics that are somewhat emo are still in a sense uplifting. "Your House" is a sad breakup song, but has a gentle melody and is overall about acceptance and focusing on how to manage your pain. My favorite track from the album, "Sweetness," might have the most emo lyrics of all, but an upbeat melody and some fumbling sense of hope. (Stumble til you crawl, sinking into sweet uncertainty.)

This album came out when I was a teenager and very much on the cusp, wondering what life held for me, wanting to fall in love. So, kind of perfect timing. It continued to be a staple in my early 20's, and I loved drumming the hell out of our Rock Band set when my roommates and I played "Sweetness."

Last year, I went to Riot Fest by myself, and Jimmy Eat World was the last band I saw. They played a lot of songs from Bleed American, and I felt my soul gradually seeping out of my body. I was already crying a little bit when they got to "Sweetness," but when they did, I kind of exploded. Or imploded. There was a plosion. I was mourning my lost youth, my lost sense of hope or direction, the friends I no longer see, the relationship I didn't have, and I started sobbing so hard I could not see the band and the girl next to me who had apologized to me earlier for whacking me with her fan was asking me if I needed help.

I'd do better with a Jimmy Eat World concert now. Maybe. Due to various things that have snowballed, I'm restarting my life in more ways than one, and here, in the middle of the ride, I can identify again with a lot of these lyrics. I am damaged, but determined. I want to always feel like part of this was mine.

4. ORIGIN OF SYMMETRY - MUSE

For one moment, I wish you'd hold your stage, with no feelings at all

Open-minded, I'm sure I used to be so free

My favorite Muse songs are "Muscle Museum," "Stockholm Syndrome," "Hysteria," and "Unnatural Selection." None of those are on this album, but dear god, this is the BEST Muse album. Listening to it is an experience. I've called it "the Cirque du Soleil of vocal cords" before. You have to listen to it all the way through, and get to the fantastic finale, "Megalomania." 

When I listen to this album, I feel like I'm transported somewhere. Lost in a magical forest would be the closest approximation. It's fascinating yet unsettling, like something from Pan's Labyrinth.

So, what songs ARE on this album? There's "Newborn," which was used to great effect in the harrowing horror movie High Tension. It will make you feel like you're being chased. Great for listening to while running. There's "Citizen Erased," which is inspired by the novel 1984 but also a strangely good song for leaving a job or relationship. There's a cover of "Feeling Good" and they even manage to give that the same unsettling eerie aura of the rest of the album. In short, this album is escapism, and I'm here for it.

3. FROM UNDER THE CORK TREE - FALL OUT BOY

The best part of "believe" is the lie

I hope you sing along and you steal a line

I need to keep you like this in my mind

So give in or just give up

Fall Out Boy is in a three way tie for my favorite band, and this is the album that rocketed them to stardom with the single "Sugar, We're Going Down." They've been through their ups and downs over the years. My favorite Fall Out Boy song, "27," was written by Pete Wentz when he was approaching the age of 27, and thought he was going to join the 27 club. Shortly after, the band went on a long hiatus, and it's fitting that when they came back, they released what is now my second favorite Fall Out Boy song, "Phoenix."

Neither of those songs are on this breakout album, though. So, what is? So much good stuff. There's the frantic "Dance, Dance." There's "XO," which has an infectious melody and captures the ironic detachment of a one-night stand. There's "Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part to Save the Scene and Stop Going to Shows)", which is ... ultimate emo. Especially that rant Pete Wentz goes on. That song used to be my ringtone. And, possibly my favorite track, "Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the Year," which is kind of wistful and in a way beautiful. It's so sad thinking a group of friends in their early twenties would think they've already seen their best times, and thinking what they've been doing doesn't have any true meaning. Fall Out Boy apparently felt like they'd burned out fast. But, they came back. Eventually. 

Wearing their vintage misery, no I think it looked a little better on me

They changed them, like a remix, then they raised them, like a phoenix

2. THE BLACK PARADE - MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE

Give me a shot to remember, and you can take all the pain away from me

A kiss and I will surrender, the sharpest lives are the deadliest to lead

What can I even say about MCR? Gerard Way is a BRILLIANT performer, writer, and artist. If you haven't guessed, this is another band in my three-way favorite band tie. The Black Parade is a loosely structured concept album telling the life story of a man who is dying in the first track and is recounting his life, and, it is so good.

What is good about this album? EVERYTHING. There is not a bad song. There are bangers that are super fun to sing and headbang along to like "Teenagers" and "Mama" (Liza Minelli was featured in "Mama" whatttt?). There are incredibly relatable breakup songs like "This Is How I Disappear" and "I Don't Love You." The song "Sleep" deserves an honorable mention because my sister, my dad, and I have filmed a cover music video of that one, and, well, I think it's pretty great. And, of course, there's the legendary anthem "Welcome to the Black Parade." They could have released just that song and this would still be one of the best albums of all time.

Anyway, I'm gonna stop talking about this one because I might just start drooling or something.

1. AMERICAN IDIOT - GREEN DAY

And in the darkest night, if my memory serves me right

I'll never turn back time

Forgetting you, but not the time

This is the defining album of my life.

I was already a Green Day fan, with songs like "Basket Case" and "When I Come Around" having helped turn me from the world of NSYNC and Britney Spears to the world of alt rock, and when this album came out, it was EVERYTHING. (I feel like I'm saying that a lot.) It was the only tape (I'm old) I had in my car for a while, and I just played it on repeat.

It's a concept album even more so than Black Parade, with a linear story and named characters. Well, kind of named. It's a quiet political protest with also a hint of a love story, as the main character is vastly disillusioned with Bush-era America but also a bit distracted by a certain rebel they call "Whatsername" who has a hold on his heart like a hand grenade.

I tried to go as Whatsername for Halloween one year. I bought my outfit at a thrift store, and I had a plush heart-shaped hand grenade custom made for me. Unfortunately, I did not end up going anywhere that Halloween and no longer have said grenade.

This album is a masterpiece and I'm so glad that they made it into a musical, and so sad that I did not get to see it when it was in Chicago. Maybe someday. I'll be losing my shit the whole time, but it will be worth it.

Anyway, I will not talk too much about this one either, but know that deep inside, my heart is a plush hand grenade.

Tuesday, May 16, 2023

10 Simpsons Episodes That Suck-diddly-uck

 M: Hi, I'm Mandie. Those of you who know me may know that I enjoy a certain show about some certain Simpsons, and will defend against all haters, because it is my fam. However, even the most precious child misbehaves sometimes, and in this post, S and I are going to cover each of our 5 least favorite episodes.

S: Hi, I'm Stephen. You may remember me from such blogs as Hurdling Hugo or We Got Five On It! (Yes, our initials are S&M which is in no way an indication of anything else about us... or is it??) Okay, that's enough with the introductions. Let's get down to brass tacks, shall we?

Stephen's #5: "Homer Badman" (S6, E9)

S: One of my favorite things about Simpsons episodes is the fact that each show will start with an almost completely unrelated set piece at the top with little to no bearing on the rest of the episode and, for my money, this episode has one of the most wild pendulum swings from great to bad in the show's storied history. I love the opening at the candy convention - everything from the hilarious candy spoofs to Homer's over-the-top theft of the rare and elusive gummi Venus de Milo (which, as a gummi candy enthusiast remains my Holy Grail. Will I go full Ahab to get my mitts on that sweet, sweet candy? Time will tell..)

In retrospect, this episode's greatest sin is that it hasn't aged well (which is not to say that it was terribly progressive episode even at the time). In an age of Donald Trumps and Bill Cosbys and Harvey Weinsteins, having a main character accused of sexual assault and being easily absolved just doesn't really sit well anymore... especially when the accuser is depicted as a harpy-esque feminist with a seeming axe to grind. Granted, Homer is generally inept and is legitimately grabbing for a piece of sweet, sweet candy, but the message that men accused of this kind of behavior deserve the benefit of the doubt is troubling at best and harmful at worst. It's not the worst episode, but it's pretty damn close on those grounds alone. Mandie, your thoughts?

M: Oh man, it doesn't age well. The babysitter is depicted as one of those "don't call me a chick chicks" and the fact that she believes in women's rights makes her an outlier. This episode is way over the top, but what Homer did to her really wasn't ok. We know he had candy on da brain, not butts, but she was already really uncomfortable being in the car with him (I mean, he asked her to take the wheel so he could scratch himself in two places at once), and when she turns around he's grabbing a piece of candy off her ass and drooling. She might not have known about the candy, but that does not make it ok. I'd have freaked out too. We watching the show know Homer's not a bad person, he's just extremely stupid, but there's no way she would have known that. There are some really funny moments in this episode, and I wasn't bothered by it as a kid, but I kind of am now.

Mandie's #5: "Homer's Odyssey" (S1, E3)

M: Every season 1 episode gets a dishonorable mention from me, but this one is the bottom of the barrel. Season 1 is very different from the rest of the series. It's like they were trying to be a Cosby except the family doesn't always get along and we have frosty chocolate milkshakes instead of pudding pops, and Homer's character is quite different. He's the longsuffering dad who works hard to provide for his family, is devastated he can't afford Christmas presents, is embarrassed by his family at the work picnic, and is almost cheated on by his wife with a bowling instructor who is one of the most unfunny characters in Simpsons history.

But in this episode, he loses his job and sinks into a deep depression. The scene where he throws aside the "We Still Love You Daddy" cake because it's not a beer, and also when he subsequently smashes his son's piggy bank to buy a beer, both bothered and saddened me as a child. He still cannot afford a beer, so he decides to commit suicide. THEY PULL THAT SHIT OUT ON THE THIRD EPISODE OF A COMEDY SHOW?

Anyway, it just keeps getting worse. As he's trudging down the street to commit suicide, some neighbors blithely comment about how looks like young man Homer's going to kill himself. And it all ends with a completely unearned emotional scene where he decides he's committed to keeping people safe and is given a job as nuclear safety inspector that he's definitely not qualified for. I don't consider this canon, because in later seasons that has been his job since day one and he just sleeps and eats donuts all day at work. The writers realized the error of their ways. But yeah, overall bad season, especially bad episode.

S: I think I can honestly say that I'm not as bothered by this one. It generally takes a show like this some time to find its footing and the kind of growing pains this episode seems indicative of are generally the norm this early in the run. Look at the early episodes of "Seinfeld," for example. The relationships aren't fully coalesced, the actors are still figuring out their characters, and the writers are still trying to figure out exactly what the show is and what they want it to be. And, in the case of a show like this, the animation is not as slick or polished as it would eventually go on to be even a season or two later.

That said, this isn't a great episode by any stretch of the imagination. It feels like the writers are going for an It's a Wonderful Life kind of ending, what with Homer being driven to suicide and all. More than any other episode on this list, this one really captures the idea that this is an animated sitcom more than a cartoon, with a grounded scenario that seems heightened, sure, but vaguely plausible at the same time. It's a big ol' bummer, though... something that the show would eventually (and wisely) veer away from in later seasons (even as soon as Season 4 or 5).

I do, however, love that it took the writers of the show an entire episode to sort out Smithers' character to the extent that he was initially portrayed as African-American until they eventually decided on homosexual Caucasian. There's a part of me that will always have a soft spot for this episode for that alone.

M: I'll soften YOUR spot.

You'll soften my spot? Is that supposed to be some kind of threat?

Go to your room.

Stephen's #4: "Homer vs. Dignity" (S12, E5)

S: One could argue that Homer didn't have much dignity left by the time Season 12 rolled around (but most of those people would generally qualify as Simpsons Bitches (TM) and members of that lamentable configuration need not apply here.

This episode, though, might be the lowest Homer ever descends for the sake of comedy. He's always been under the thumb of Mr. Burns, sure, but watching him slowly lose his humanity over the course of the episode just so his old-timey boss can secure a few mean-spirited "larfs" just feels especially demoralizing. We've seen Homer in somewhat dire straights before (see "Homer's Odyssey" above), but this feels different somehow. Meaner, crueler, and just generally unpleasant.

Of course, the absolute worst part of this episode is the conclusion, in which Homer, dressed as a panda for the amusement of his megalomaniacal employer, is purported to be sexually assaulted by a panda. It's gross, deeply disturbing, and so incredibly out of place in a show that had been a bastion of family entertainment for over a decade at the time of airing. In the immortal words of Mr. Horse: "No, sir, I don't like it."

M: This is from around the same era as my next one. I feel like the show was trying to be edgier (badly), and also wackier, and it took a downturn in seasons 12 and 13 that it fortunately recovered from (if you don't agree with me on that, come at me, SB (TM)). There are some good episodes in those seasons, but also some weird uncomfortable humor that falls kind of flat. This qualifies.

I don't think I hate this episode as much as S does, but it's not funny. Everything from making Homer roll around dressed in a diaper and say "baby made a boom boom" to the infamous panda love scene to Mr. Burns throwing fish guts or whatever at children dressed as Santa in a parade, it's just ... not funny. Just uncomfortable. This might be one of the episodes that started turning a lot of my generation off the show.

The only line I kind of chuckle at is "That's a sneeze guard. You need to lift it up to get salad or to sneeze on things."

S: Woe, grief, and shame upon the Simpsons Bitch (TM) that comes at M and/or lifts the sneeze guard for the purposes of sneezing!

Mandie's #4: "Half-Decent Proposal" (S13, E10)

M: This is another very uncomfortable episode. I had to include one Artie Ziff episode on the list because I hate him and it was between this and the one where he stages a wedding to a robot that looks like Marge, but I hate this one more.

Artie's gross, he's not funny at all, and I've never been comfortable with stalker-type characters. In this episode, he proposes that he and Marge spend a weekend together in exchange for money and that she dumbly goes along with it is pretty troublesome, but then it goes from troublesome to just STUPID when Homer decides that he wants to die after seeing Artie forcibly kiss Marge and runs away to East Springfield, which is apparently 3 times the size of Texas.

There are a couple funny lines in this episode. Pretty much just when Lenny walks into the bar, Homer asks if he wants to leave town forever, and Lenny shrugs and says "ok." When this episode first came out, I thought Mt. Carlmore was cringeworthy, but, yknow, now I'm on team Larl, so I like it.

S: Also, the revelation that Carl's full name is Carl Carlson is just... *chef's kiss* Perfect joke. 10/10. No notes.

I'm less vitriolic when it comes to Artie, but the man does essentially try to force himself onto Marge on the night of the prom. Plus, when it comes to characters voiced by Jon Lovitz, I'm more partial to Jay Sherman myself.

Not only that, but a parody of 1993's Indecent Proposal in the year of our Lord 2002 feels like such a bizarre choice for a movie already a decade old and, very likely, already forgotten to the sands of time and lost in the constant fog of perpetual pop culture, even if the reference is only limited to the title and premise. It feels especially lazy and genuinely uninspired.

As a kid, I enjoyed the Eurythmics parody that closes out the episode, but these days I find it deeply troubling (more for the implication that Artie essentially created a machine to watch Marge while she's sleeping rather than the reference to a band that your average member of Gen Z wouldn't know from Adam).

Stephen's #3: "The Nightmare After Krustmas" (S28, E10)

S: This one is uncomfortable on levels. That Krusty is so quick to abandon his Jewish heritage - "three thousand years of beautiful tradition from Moses to Sandy Koufax," as a wise if not not deeply stupid man once said - in order to embrace evangelical Christianity for his daughter is puzzling, especially given how engrained that identity is to his entire persona. I mean, Krusty is essentially a borscht belt comedian transplanted to a completely different era altogether. It's why we love him and, frankly, it feels kinda gross to have him toss all that aside willy-nilly like he does here.

The Gnome in Your Home bit - an obvious parody of Elf on a Shelf - is fairly well-observed in the way it turns Christmas into a time to guilt and otherwise manipulate children into behaving for the reward of presents is amplified by such a cheap and obvious ploy. I do enjoy looking at the pictures people post of various 'pranks' the Elf plays, but I've always found the whole concept off-putting. I don't plan to ever have children, but my sister has a few and she doesn't do Santa with them at all. I feel like that's a good way to go.

Ultimately, I find this one really leaves me cold. There's an attempt at a story about estranged family coming together around the holidays, but I feel like it ends up ringing very hollow and falling very flat. Bah humbug!

M: Krusty's daughter is one of the most painfully unfunny characters, which is a shame, since she was originally voiced by Drew Barrymore, who is hilarious. Any emotional connection between them seems really unearned. They also apparently in this episode forgot she's supposed to be a violinist, and now she plays the french horn? She is so boring even the writers forgot she exists, not to mention Krusty. She pretty much exists only to whine.

I do enjoy the B story with Maggie going insane when she's told the Elf on a Shelf is watching her all the time because when I found out what Elf on a Shelf was, I thought it was nuts, and also because Maggie's one of my favorite characters and I love when they actually let her do stuff.

I believed in Santa until I was 6, and when I found out that he wasn't real, I was crushed, disillusioned, and overall embarrassed I'd fallen for it. I felt so stupid. I don't really understand why parents do this, but I'd like to believe it's not because they're gaslighting their children to make them be good, but because there might be other children at school who believe in Santa and if their kids say something about Santa not being real, they might get yelled at like I did when I said something like that when I was in second grade and my teacher got a hankerin for some spankerin.

I already thought it was kind of messed up that parents lie to their kids about stuff like this and go out of their way to make them keep believing the lie. I feel like finding out Santa isn't real is a rite of passage akin to losing your virginity and I'm curious about other people's experiences if you want to throw it in the comments (THE SANTA THING! TO BE CLEAR. NOT THE VIRGINITY THING. DON'T TELL ME THAT). 

The Elf on a Shelf thing, though, is next level. I think this is a recent thing (I obv don't have kids, either), so it has nothing to do with tradition, tradition, TRADITION! and more to do with gaslighting your kids so they will be good and maybe you can relax in the other room without worrying about them getting out of bed or sneaking snacks or something like that because the elf is watching and they want their sweet, sweet presents, so they will be good. 

So, yeah. Maggie goes apeshit on the elf, and I'm all for it. Go Maggie.

S: The final shot of Maggie running over a row of Elves (Elfs?) with a riding lawnmower is like something out of Sinister or the 2019 Child's Play and it's such a satisfying ending to a fairly terrible episode.

Mandie's #3: "Lisa the Iconoclast" (S7, E16)

M: Ok. This episode is about blind faith. Like, the kind of blind faith you'd have in a political figure after finding out terrible things about them, and just being like "LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU, MY FAMILY HAS VOTED FOR THIS POLITICAL PARTY FOR GENERATIONS AND WE ALWAYS WILL AND GO AWAY."

It's not as troubling because Jebediah Springfield is a long-dead, almost mythical figure, rather than a living politician, but, it's still a troubling example of the people of Springfield believing only what they want to believe because, again, tradition, tradition, TRADITION!

This episode makes me think a lot of Columbus Day, which, thankfully, is at long last finally getting called out and frowned upon. Columbus was, basically, a murderous pirate much like Hans Sprungfeld, but hey, we've been hearing how great he was since we were kids. At my elementary school, we sang some very problematic songs about Columbus in music class during the month of October (I'm not even going to go into the lyrics of 'Friendly Injuns' or that one that the three boats sang in the cartoon).

The theme of the episode is troubling enough, but I'm also bothered by how mean everyone, including Marge, is to Lisa when she speaks out about Jebediah, and how at the end Lisa just rolls over and takes it and says "Jebediah was great." This episode frustrated me when I was a kid, but now it leaves an even worse taste in my mouth.

TRADITION!

S: Anyone else channeling their inner Tevye reading all those "TRADITIONS" above? Just me? Cool. Coolcoolcoolcoolcool...

Much like "Homer Badman," "Lisa the Iconoclast" is a great example of an episode that hasn't aged particularly well, but I don't mind it as much as M seems to. For one thing, there's a great performance by Donald Sutherland as the kindly-yet-insidious docent of the Springfield Historical Society who is deeply embroiled in the coverup until he is finally convinced of the truth. Ultimately, it's the final moments of this episode that spoil it for me and it feels oddly prescient in the way it depicts the blind loyalty to an idea for its own sake that seems to have deeply entrenched a certain subset of the American populace these days. Seeing an episode promote this kind of overwhelming adherence to a lie is bone-chilling in an age where we see fascism barreling its way to prominence at every turn.

Marge's Springfield loyalty is better served in episodes like "The Lemon of Troy" or "Whacking Day," but feels especially hurtful here at her refusal to believe her daughter, something she's always been willing and able to do. Ultimately, I'm not mad... I'm just a bit disappointed.

M: 2 + 2 = 5. Lisa loves Big Brother.

Stephen's #2: "Moe Goes from Rags to Riches" (S23, E12)

S: I deeply dislike this episode. I find it confounding, befuddling, and a perfectly good waste of Academy Award winner Jeremy Irons, better known to millennials as Scar from The Lion King. Basically, Irons provides the voice of Moe's dishrag, turning it from random ubiquitous if not constantly overlooked prop to a character in its own right and, frankly, I would rather they have taken this opportunity to revisit Bobo from "Rosebud" rather than this odd and meandering tour of Western Civilization. (Seriously, this episode feels like a college student wrote this spec script for a project in their college-level Western Civ class, got a B-, and decided to try to sell it to "The Simpsons"... and succeeded for some reason.)

Unlike most episodes on this list, I saw this one in real time when it aired on FOX and I was just confused the whole time. I tend to dislike the episodes that tell three different stories that have nothing to do with Halloween and/or cast the denizens of Springfield as characters in other stories, and this episode feels like one of those turned up to 11. You're telling me Moe's dishrag has been around since the Dark Ages and, what's more, was actually an elegant, artistic tapestry hanging in a cathedral? HUH?? Even for a show that tends to challenge the suspension of disbelief, this one felt like a bit of a bridge too far for me. Rewatching it for this blog entry, I found myself flummoxed at the long and winding tale that passes for narrative.

I mean this from the bottom of my heart, but.. no, thank you.

M: I do not understand why S has such an intensely negative reaction to this episode. I mean, it's not funny, but, it's fine. Out of 700 episodes this is in your bottom 2? Is it the thing with the sheep? It's the thing with the sheep, isn't it?

I find the premise creative and fun (sentient bar rag whatttt), but the execution kind of bland and boring. I will concede a few things:

-The B plot is completely lackluster, basically consisting of Bart needing to apologize to Milhouse.

-This would have been better as one of their 3-parters, instead of it being one long rambling story.

-Family Guy would have done this better, partly because it would not have been so tame. Stewie and Brian see some kind of weird inscription on Stewie's new blanky and so they use Stewie's time machine to go through the history past to investigate it. This episode has more of a Family Guy plot than a Simpsons plot.

So, overall kinda boring, but I do not find it at all egregious. I kind of like the fake out at the end when Santa's Little Helper gets hold of the rag and you assume he is going to tear it up and that's how the rag's life ends, but instead he starts cuddling it and becomes its new best friend.

S: I'd watch that completely fabricated "Family Guy" episode before I'd watch this one again. I have spoken.

M: So let it be written, so let it be done. I do not have Seth McFarlane's contact information, but I shall pitch this idea to the Shakespeare theater at Navy Pier and see what they can throw together.

S: ...excellent...

Mandie's #2: "My Sister, My Sitter" (S8, E17)

M: This episode starts out kind of funny. Lisa and her only-shows-up-when-Lisa-needs-a-friend-cuz-plot friend Janey are reading "The Babysitter Twins," and I kind of love the dig they make at how ridiculous the Babysitters Club series was. I mean, who is going to trust a seventh grader they do not know to watch their kids? They can't drive? How did they even get to these jobs (I read these books, like every girl my age, but I don't remember)? And how were these 12-year-olds involved in every major event that happened in their town? I would not be surprised if there was a book where they saved the president's baby AND made 8 dollars.

So, Lisa, who is only 8, starts a babysitting business. The scene with her babysitting the Flanders kids is funny, but then the episode nosedives.

First of all, it is terrible parenting to tell your already troublesome 10-year-old that his 8-year-old sister is in charge. He's going to feel insulted and he's going to act even worse than he would otherwise.

Second, Lisa goes in to babysitter mode. She should know she has no authority here. If anything, they would have taken the opportunity to get into some mischief together. They'd have eaten that coffee ice cream themselves. I did stuff like that when I was 10 and "babysitting" my 7-year-old sister. We made chocolate milk that was more chocolate than milk. Oh, the chocolate milks we consumed. Good times.

Bart's cruelty to Lisa for the rest of the episode is not funny. It's just uncomfortable. It's way too mean. Seeing Bart purposely give himself a concussion to prove Lisa is a bad babysitter is very hard to watch. When the entire town sees Lisa trying to drag her unconscious brother to the hospital and accuses her of trying to kill him AND being on drugs, she, like in Lisa the Iconoclast, realizes she doesn't have a voice in this town and just rolls over and takes it. The episode ends with Lisa lying defeated on her bed and saying her new thing is she's going to sell seeds, and Bart not being apologetic at all. 

I can't tell you why I hate this episode so much, other than it's just so unnecessarily cruel and doesn't even get any decent jokes out of the cruelty.

S: I actually really enjoy the ending of this episode which actually ends with Lisa booking multiple babysitting jobs for that very evening despite the entire town bearing witness to her damn-near killing her older brother because, damn it, sometimes parents just need to get away from their damn wiener kids for an evening and have some grown-up style fun once and a while.

Plus, this episode gives us the glory of the Squidport! Planet Hype! Hans Moleman crashing his car into said Planet Hype! Moe's Brewing Co.! Just Rainsticks! Turban Outfitters! No one does a humorous business name quite like "The Simpsons" and this episode is chock full of some truly great ones! Also, the bit of Homer driving down the middle of the pier, parking in the center of everything, and then getting trapped in the middle of a fountain is just great!

I guess I feel about this episode like M feels about "Moe Goes from Rags to Riches" - it's not the best episode, but I don't find it particularly off-putting or offensive. To echo her earlier sentiment: "Out of 700 episodes, this is in your bottom 2?" I find it pretty funny and honestly better than the one where Penny Marshall plays the Babysitter Bandit in Season 1. But to each their own, I suppose.

M: S is correct. After Bart happily walks away, Lisa gets a few calls from people asking her to babysit, even though they believe she was on drugs and tried to kill her brother (and she never stands up for herself about what actually happened). I don't get it. Is this a happy ending, or a sad ending? It's an ending. We'll leave it at that.

The Bob's Burgers fans of the world might come after S for what he said about The Simpsons having the best humorous business names.

S: Come at me, Bob's Burgers Bitches (TM)!

Stephen's #1: "The Musk Who Fell to Earth" (S26, E12)

S: The worst episode of M's favorite show is one that combines so many of the above elements that I so richly despise and puts them all into one episode that serves as an advertisement for a megalomaniacal billionaire with an odd obsession with being liked and popular, but lacking the personality, social skills, wit, charm, or general intelligence to make it actually happen.

Before he was sucking up "Saturday Night Live," fathering children with unpronounceable and incomprehensible names, or single-handedly turning Twitter into 4chan, Elon Musk was completely ruining a single latter-season episode of "The Simpsons" with his absence of personality, lack of vocal inflection, and general unfunniness. It combines the blind hero worship of a broken idol from "Lisa the Iconoclast" with the doesn't-age-wellness of "Homer Badman."

Back in the halcyon days of 2015, we could probably be forgiven for thinking of Elon as a fun innovator who had a deep desire to try and make the world a better place. We didn't know any better. We were naive. We were foolish. We were duped. Eventually, he would show himself to be a man who inherited a gem mine from his parents who benefitted from apartheid and bought a bunch of innovative ideas so he could take credit for them before cementing his reputation as an alt-right hype-man with the business acumen of a certain disgraced US President with an equally clueless and blindly virulent fanbase.

Looking back at this episode with those things in mind, it's almost impossible to watch. I can't abide it on moral grounds. I will be taking no questions at this time.

M: So the funny thing about what S said is that Elon Musk plays himself in this episode as a character who does want to be liked, specifically by Homer, but lacks any social skills and Homer has to ask Marge how you break up with a man, because he doesn't want to be friends anymore.

When this episode came out, I barely knew who Elon Musk was. I thought it was kind of a funny concept that this genius innovator has hit a dry spell and they zoom in on his face, playing classical music, when Homer suggests an idiotic idea and he decides that is his next invention. I agree it hasn't aged well, and the episode is overall pretty stupid, but I didn't mind it at the time. If they'd done the same episode with a fictional inventor rather than the actual Elon Musk, maybe it would have aged better. It still wouldn't have been a great episode, but it would not have earned the wrath that S just rained down upon it.

Mandie's #1: "Lisa Goes Gaga" (S23, E22)

M: I didn't want this to be my #1 because this is the lowest rated episode on IMDB and I didn't want to feel like I was going along with the crowd. I had a hard time deciding between this and My Sister My Sitter. I hate My Sister My Sitter more, but it does have a couple funny parts in it. This one does NOT.

Much like S's #1, this is an episode based on a celebrity coming to Springfield for ... reasons? But while the Elon one was slightly self-deprecating, everyone in town WORSHIPS Lady Gaga and she is portrayed as a goddess who can solve any problem, can give anyone self-esteem, can amp everyone's sex drive (Marge and Homer have great sex after Lady Gaga makes out with Marge) (I wish I were kidding), and cries tiny diamonds.

So, the episode starts with the Lady Gaga Express coming through Springfield. (I wish I were kidding.)

Meanwhile, Lisa was just voted "Least Popular Student" at Springfield Elementary and it was announced at an assembly. (Wtf?) Lady Gaga senses that one of her little monsters is sad and decides she is going to fix Lisa's self-esteem.

How does she fix Lisa's self-esteem? She has her sing a song called "Lisa Simpson Superstar" at her concert. There are many problems with this song.

-It's terrible

-It's an octave higher than Yeardley Smith can actually sing, so it sounds like a combination of nails on a chalkboard and someone beating a kitten with another kitten

-The most egregious thing for me. At the end of the first verse, Lisa says that she was so miserable she felt like she was on a one-way train to be Milhouse's bride. Milhouse excitedly says, "End the song!" We all want the song to end, but not for that reason. I really hate any plot where the character with low self esteem by making someone else feel bad about themselves. You know what would make you feel better, Lisa? Publicly shaming/rejecting your family friend who cares about you in front of the whole town because he's a loser. Even though he's not the one who got voted least popular student.

I was the least popular student at my school. I didn't have a friend who wanted to marry me. If I (or, let's face it, anyone who's not Lady Gaga) were on stage singing at a Lady Gaga concert about how I like NPR and other nerdy shit, but I like me now, everyone would be booing to get back to Gaga.

I have read that Lady Gaga was a big fan of The Simpsons, excited to be on the show, and sad that this episode was so ill received. I know she didn't write it, so I won't hold it against her, but god, it is bad.

S: I wish M were kidding...

Full disclosure: if this one hadn't already been on M's list when I was putting mine together, it would have definitely found its way onto mine. It's that bad.

And, while I have a good deal of respect for Lady Gaga's level of talent and her advocacy, this episode was not it. She enters as a peerless entertainment deus ex machina... but at the beginning of the episode, paradoxically. There's no arc, no stakes, and it's a retread of "Moaning Lisa," where Lisa - feeling bad about being shat on by friends and family - befriends a musician who allows her to see what ultimately makes her special. The only difference is that "Moaning Lisa" actually gets to the heart of what makes Lisa a great character, her sensitivity and creativity, versus "Lisa Goes Gaga" which is just a showcase for the titular guest star to make herself look great, while undermining Lisa and turning her into something unrecognizable from the intelligent and precocious child that we've come to know and love over the previous twenty-plus seasons.

And that's a shame because Lisa has consistently been one of the quietly greatest characters on this show and to see what makes her special being undermined in episodes like this and "No Good Read Goes Unpunished" bums me out.

What a stinker...

M: S, how should we end this? We need two more words to go out on. Screw Flanders?

S: Bon appetit.